Change of habit

Anyone who has seen me between Christmas 2007 and now have noticed that I lost a lot of weight. To be exact, about 45 pounds since then. And trust me, there wasn't much weight to begin with. My uncle used to tease me, calling me the "Anorexic Poster Child."
For months, people keep telling me to eat more. I know everyone is meaning well, but that's like telling me to breathe. I know I need to eat, but one of the downfalls of cancer is loss of appetite. It's kind of like the cancer wants to kill you faster - it takes 2,000 calories a day and some days you just can't eat 2,500 calories to make up the difference.
And what hurts cancer patients even more is America's new obsession to stop obesity by making many food products "low-calorie." I watch my calories, but the opposite of about 75 percent of Americans.
I want and need that high-calorie, fatty food. Send me donuts, hamburgers, mash potatoes and lasagna.
However, another downfall of cancer is changing of taste. Some foods just don't have that wonderful taste that they used to. One particular food for me that really makes me want to cry is chocolate. Any woman will tell you that chocolate is a staple or life source. However, M&Ms taste weird and heavy. Chocolate syrup still tastes OK, but in moderation. Even cookies with chocolate chips don't excite me anymore. Unfortunately, I bought Keebler cookies and S'mores poptarts and they're just taking up space in my pantry.
Another type of food that I recently have become scared of (yes, I said scared) is fast food. I love Del Taco, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, Jasper's Hamburgers (BTW, Elk Grove needs to reopen Jasper's so my fiance and I can eat), Round Table and Wendy's. However, last week I went to Arby's and got the advertised Cheese and Roast Beef Sandwich for $4 for two. Ever since then, I've been sucking down Dissolveable Tums to battle the heartburn.
Fast food is full of calories, but this recent development is making me scared to try drive-thru again. I even stopped going to Burger King because I threw up my entire lunch in the Oncology Department of Kaiser in front of about 10 other cancer patients.
So what can I do?
I can always make my own meals, though due to lack of energy, I cannot stand up long enough to cook a three-course meal. I'd love to make my own pudding so I have four snacks, but standing for 30 minutes will probably kill me. And unfortunately, I don't have a stool for my kitchen. I just bought some eggs, so I'll see if I can stand for 10 minutes to prepare those. But I can prepare meals where I can let the food soak or boil and then come back to either prepare quickly or pour into a bowl, like macaroni and cheese or rice.
I can also switch to more mild and bland meals. Spicy enchiladas or chili probably isn't a good idea unless I want to throw it back up. But rice, mac and cheese, potatoes (with a splash of garlic) or even sandwiches go down easily and have plenty of calories. Eggs with ketchup and some sausage links are a great breakfast. I'd have pancakes, but Denny's always makes them so huge, I can't finish one.
So to wrap up this post, I guess I'll just say that I'm trying to eat, folks. But it's taking some time to figure out what I can eat, what to avoid and which foods are the quickest to prepare so I can sit back down.